Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
