Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
porn star boner night. come get it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
