Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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