absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
