Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
