I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
