i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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