I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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