She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
