Me. At least after what I've been through.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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