Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
