I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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