That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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