Jerry, you need to find god
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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