We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
