It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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