You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
