You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
