she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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