i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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