I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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