dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
