Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize