i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
