I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
