i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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