oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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