We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i need some magic done to my vagina
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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