He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize