i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
