Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
