Swine flu. Run for my life!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
