he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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