toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize