If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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