Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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