Sponge bath it is.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
