You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
