FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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