how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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