3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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