Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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