If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
