sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
