There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
