You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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