I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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