So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
