I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
