i permit you to call me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
