then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
