Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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