508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
