I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
