i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
