because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
