yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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