Umm I'm too high to move.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
