woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
