the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
