hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
