is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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