Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
