im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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