lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
