My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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